Wednesday, April 6, 2016

It's Just About That Time...

My surgery is TOMORROW!!  Eek.  My semi-hiatus turned out to be pretty damn complete.  I haven't posted in over a month.  Between feeling horrible, doctor visits, tests, and stressing out...and all of the normal life stuff too...I just wasn't up to blogging.  I wasn't up to much of anything at all, really.  I've barely done my nails this whole time.  I've kept them painted, but only changed about every two weeks.

The first "real" step toward getting ready for surgery was...sigh...nubbing my nails.

Wet n Wild Condensed Milk and Dance Legend The Creation Of Man,
Illamasqua Melange accent, Butter London Matte Top Coat on all

I went with a teal accent because that's the awareness ribbon color for fibroids.  All gynecological tumors share teal for awareness.  It's a good reminder that I'm relatively lucky, in a way.  My fibroids are giantfuckinggoddamhuge, but they're benign.  That's kinda been my mantra these last few months; 'At least they're benign. At least they're benign. At least they're benign.'

At this point I've told so many different people about them, that I'm not sure who knows what anymore.  I was planning to write a whole big thing, but the motivation didn't come.  The basics of my situation are that I've been harboring these bastard lumps for years and they suddenly exploded in size last summer/fall.  That's apparently "normal".  Nothing about this feels normal.  I feel like I have extra organs.  I kinda do.  They're on the outside of my uterus, so they poke and jostle around in my abdomen when I move.  Did I mention they're holyshitkillmenowfuckinghell huge?  There are three of them and they add up to about a BOWLING BALL in size.  My surgeon said a normal uterus should be the size of a pear.  These stupid lumps have stretched mine to more like a personal watermelon.  One of the motherfuckers is behind/under my uterus and is pushing all of my internal ladyparts out of their usual positions.  It's painful.  Another is so long that it goes up past my navel.  I can't bend forward anymore.

They need to fuck off, and tomorrow they will.  Because they're so stupidcrazygiantmassive, robotic surgery isn't possible.  I'm getting the same kind of incision as a c-section.  If everything goes well, I'll be recovering for 3-6 weeks.  If it doesn't go so well, I'll be having a hysterectomy and recovery could take up to 8 weeks.  If my surgeon can't frankenstein my uterus back together, it'll have to come out.  I get to keep my ovaries though, so...another small silver lining to a shitty situation.  It could be so much worse.

I almost opted for a hysterectomy, so I'm sorta resigned to possibly having one.  If it happens, it happens.  Chances are, my uterus will pull this stunt again at some point if it does get to stay.  The only cures for fibroids are hysterectomy and menopause.  I'm probably 20 years away from menopause if the women in my mom's family are any indication.  This probably isn't my last surgery.

July is Uterine Fibroid Awareness Month.  All of this should be far behind me by then.  Maybe I'll do a big post then.

For now...I want to thank everyone who's been so supportive, kind, and understanding.  I miss this blog and its readers so fucking much.  I can't wait to be myself again and blogging on a more regular basis.

See you in a few weeks!

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